Monday 20 July 2015

Age Play explained in one easy sentence

It took me a while to think of this (you can see me explaining it in previous posts) but here it is:

In age play you're looking to play with someone's 'INNER CHILD'...THAT is the only child involved in age play.


(Further interesting thought - who's inner child is misusing the role of the parent?! Perhaps there's more that one inner child at work here... ;) )

Friday 23 November 2012

A new dawn...

As electronic doll closes her blog I re-open mine. It's time to get back out there and try again... :)

Sunday 22 May 2011

The Question...

Today Hedwig came and took her stuff from my house. It's funny, I didn't know what to say to her: I'm so blown away by it all...

The thing is though, it's not really about her, it's about the fact that clearly I've made a number of really serious errors of judgement and now I don't feel like I can trust myself anymore, nor can I trust anyone else. I also know that I've completely lost touch with who I am and I've lost touch with my friends. For the first time in a very long time I feel truly alone and living on borrowed time as they may all evaporate in the next few months...

The breakup and my behaviour have made me ask myself a number of really peritnant questions:
  1. What is it really like to be in a relationship with me. I think the truth is that at the moment it's really boring. I feel like I've lost a part of me that made me exciting, and I don't blame Hedwig for walking away because I was offering her nothing but a regular life - and that's never been the life which I want to live. It makes me want to go on an expedition somewhere or sail round the world - anything to prevent the drudgery of everyday life setting in. I've been really boring as I've fought for a career - I've gone from nothing to the top of my profession in 2 years - but now it seems a hollow victory as it cost me the people I care about the most, me and her...
  2. How can I trust anyone? Every person I've ever gone out with there's always been something about them that I didn't trust - generally I was right to think so. The thing is though, that with Hedwig I was regularly wrong: she was an amazing person and although I don't think she's a relationship expert in any way, I recognise that I regularly underestimated her. Part of me says that we were never on the same team, and that was true, but I don't see what she or I could really have done differently...
  3. How can I trust my own judgement? It's clear to me that I really could have done things differently and that my radar was down to a lot of this. I didn't see it, and I took it for granted that because we were polly we would just tone down our relationship at times where we weren't doing to well and needed space - clearly, I'd confused 'poly-theory' with reality. I obviously missed a massive load of stuff that was going on in the relationship and that's not happened before. Either that or you can just take me or leave me and I'm totally forgettable with time...(setting up an immediate jump to question 5).
  4. Who am I? At the moment, apart from being a boring fuck who can't talk to anyone about his job because it's IT (even though he has to endure others talking about their incredibly dull professions ie HR), well: I'm a spitefull, vengeful, frightened and lonely person - I AM WEAK and it shows... I struggle to contain the rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts because what I don't want to ask myself is as above: Can just take me or leave me? and 'Am I totally forgettable with time'...
  5. So, to the title of the post, because I guess this encapsulates it for me at the moment, is: what is the point? I've been through this over and over again with relationships, so it just seems so meaningless when you can give your everything to someone, they can give their everything to you, and it's still not enough. Not only that but when you break up and the other person says "I'm sorry you're hurting so bad [...but clearly it's not affecting me]. "
If anyone has any good answers to question 5 then...

Saturday 12 December 2009

Don't...

...try and wank your boyfriend off during the Shelob scene of LOTR.

You feel like the only explanation is that they're conditioning you to have some kind of bestiality/dwarf/snuff fetish!!

Thursday 10 December 2009

A short note to the Males of the species...

It was my birthday recently, so I decided that as D/s has always interested me - and for some reason I have had a battle with throughout my BDSM 'career' - I'd buy some books. I got:

Master & Slave Relations by Robert J Rubel PhD
Protocols: Handbook for the female slave by Robert J Rubel PhD
SlaveCraft by a grateful slave
The Control Book by Peter Masters

I've not read them all and in fact I'm struggling. TBH the only one with half a clue is the one by a grateful slave. The rest fall into the category of what I would like to call 'UNSPEAKABLE BOLLOCKS'...

My sub is not as valuable to me as a 'particularly prized cat'!! I think evolution may pass on such things as body-shape options; amount of fast-twitch muscle fibre, eye colour, etc.

I DO NOT THINK THAT IT PASSES ON THE 'HERO ABILITY' TO MEN AND THE 'MOTHERING ABILITY' TO WOMEN!!

The most terrible thing about all this is how I feel about the world around me. I know I must be a pioneer; it's the only way to explain how when you look back at old TV programs and see the attitudes they had, the jokes they made, etc. you cringe - well I'm cringing already and they're brand new... I wonder how we got it so wrong and I've come to a conclusion on why and how to sort it...

MEN OF THE WORLD. YOU GOT IT WRONG. YOU ARE MAKING YOURSELVES LOOK INCREDIBLY STUPID. YOU CLAIM TO BE LOGICAL AND INTELLIGENT, BUT YOUR METHODS AND CONCLUSIONS SHOW NONE OF IT. YOUR INITIAL SUPPOSITIONS WERE WRONG AND YOU'RE BUILDING ON AN ERROR; YOU'RE JUST TOO EMOTIONAL TO ADMIT IT.

YOU'VE GOT IT CONSISTENTLY WRONG. YOU NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP...

Tuesday 8 December 2009

Tantra (WRONG!! You're doing it Wrong!!)

I'd like to share with you the pleasure of my first attempt at tantra:

I think that we can all be adult enough to understand that we all have sex with ourselves from time to time, and today was no exception for myself. However, I decided (mid-effort) to attempt to do the whole tantric 'blocking off the tube' trick... I think I left it a little late, however, so I decided to push quite hard to seal off the tube... Unfortunately, I don't know what I pressed, but it actually had the effect of intensifying my orgasm massively; as you can appreciate, it's not often that I press there for any reason, so how was I to know...

Without going into too fine a detail, I'm going to spend the next few hours going through my book collection, which was about 6' away at the time... I think we all know why...

Thank you, Tantra...

Tuesday 13 October 2009

A new horizon...

The day before Club Pedestal, I received the following:

"I am going to have so much fun with you, but more important, I'll hope that we will have fun together.

First, a couple of more things that would be great if you could bring.

Got one black shirt with ruffles lying in my drawer, as well as one white shirt, plus a pvc-skirt lying around. You got some toys to, if you could bring them so I know what to use on you :)

Please do not forget your own boots.

Please also study the following video, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPQbffBjWz8

as I trust you to give me a hand'job'. Speaking of which, abstinence from wanking and cumming from the beginning of Thursday (00:00) until I say so.

Tomorrow, if I can meet you at Liverpool Street that would be good. We will have an early dinner, and I will expect some things from you, except for all those sweet things you already are.
The plan for the evening is dinner, get ready in the house, get to Pedestal and have loads of fun.

A little notebook and pencil will travel with us an, and if you happen to break a rule and I find that a punishment is needed, I will say 'Book' and then, depending on the severity of the offence (judging is completely arbitrary from my part...) I will say how many 'dots' you earned on the offence, example:

'Book, two dots'

You will take this down. In the end of the evening I will return to this book.


So during the evening: No fidgeting, no picking noses (a hankie is ok), picking ears or such.
Don't forget the perfume (bring it with you even, I might want you to smell even more of it :) )

You will open doors for me. Carry what I ask you to carry.

Upon arrival to the club you will take care of the arrangements regarding the cloakroom, for which you will be responsible for the rest of the evening.

As we arrive fairly early (hoping to at least, if everything goes according to plan) there is plenty of time to sit down, relax and have a drink, doing all that does not require any description, dunno why I wrote that :) Except that I would like a vodka and lemonade as a first drink.

You will be collared at some point during this time and from that moment you are mine. Not my property but my sweet, randy and very usable toy/boy/man/whatever. You will address me with 'Miss' if you are talking directly with me, 'Ve' if you are referring to me.

So far, that is it. I know you will ask me if you don't think I make sense ;)

Love you so much!

Kisses

V"


It was hot and sticky. I raced along Norwood Road towards Herne Hill Station...I was late. Not intentionally, but due to work, I found myself at a closed Herne Hill station, unable to make my date at the restaurant. Reluctantly I phoned Ve to tell her; she was firm but fair - 10 dots went in the book and I stood there exhausted and feeling like I wanted to cry: I had already let Her down and I'd failed before I'd even began.

That's a thing about subbing, for me, the fact of how POWERFUL it is in comparison. I love Doming, and it comes naturally, but subbing is uncharted territory. In doming, I am in control of how much pleasure I extract and I run my sessions so as to chart my course to a civilised or moderately intense orgasm. With subbing, I have no control and am forced to experience all these emotions and sensations with someone else controlling what happens...

I arrive at Ve's house and proceed to help her to get ready. She took care of me a little, as I felt SO bad for being late, then we picked up S. and headed for Vauxhall. I can remember picking up a few dots here and there for fidgeting; and learning that it didn't matter what you'd actually done, but more what it was considered that you had done.

Carrying all Ve's bags, we made our way to the door where they were searched.

"You can't bring food or drink into the venue" said the bouncer, looking at the carton of custard and the two cans of squirty cream.

"That's not what they're for." I replied curtly.

Having passed security I was sent into the changing area behind the ticket office. It was mostly guys getting changed (or undressed, as a more accurate description) and that feeling of being treated a bit like cattle was actually kinda hot. I mostly wear uniforms to the clubs and it was a real change for me to wear actually very little (a practice I intend to do more of in the future!) and the first time I had publicly cross dressed (to a limited degree, obviously). The rest of the coat and bags were checked in and we made our way to the bottom of the stairs. Despite the unfortunately timed arrival of a friend, we then engaged in the collaring ceremony. It was an odd feeling to be collared - I kinda looked forward to what was going to happen next, but I felt like I wasn't taking the collar seriously enough.

We proceeded upstairs and were greeted by 4 of the house slaves, the first thing I remember about them is they were old. I'm not ageist and maybe it was by chance, because there are actually some seriously hot house slaves inside, including one who looks like 'Link' from 'The Matrix Reloaded', but I think a mix on the door may put the younger, newer Mistresses at ease. We continued up the stairs, I got the lemonade and vodka from the bar and we sat down in the Club Colosseum's reception bar area. We chatted for a while, which allowed me to feel more at ease, before taking a turn around the club.

Inside the club there are various rules to be obeyed in various rooms and areas. There are several areas where men are only allowed to crawl and one where men may only speak if spoken to (I know, idyllic, no?!), it was there, the Goddess Room, to which we headed next. On the way we bumped into a friend called Theda, who is part of the club's management team.

"Hello Ve! Lovely to see you, and your pube headed boyfriend too!"

That made me mad. TBH I should have had a sense of humour about it, but I was starting to feel uncomfortable about this whole thing. What was going to come out of my mouth was not appropriate for a FEMDOM club and so I decided to stay quiet, but as you can probably tell, emotions were running high in me at this point.

In the room there were many people playing and some friends for Ve to say hello to (S. had detached at this point to go find her own brand of fun). After saying her hello's I was publicly bent over a horse (bench, not animal!) and had a butt plug inserted (one of those njoy steel ones - rather good, so much so, in fact, that I'm wearing one as I write!! ;) It was kind of a nice feeling being exhibited like that...I think I still have body issues about nudity and hence someone finding it worthwhile to exhibit me as their own has a pleasing effect. Ve then went and sat down in a chair and I began to give the hand massage (shown in the instructional YouTube clip listed above). I'd really tried hard with this one, I'd written it out and ensured that I gave her hand my full attention. As I sat at her feet (in squaw pose) I could feel the butt plug banging into the floor. The butt plug is fantastic... it actually has an effect on me and makes me feel sexual and horny, which was not what I expected when I was first convinced to try one. Once again, Ve asked me if I was OK...

The truth is that I struggled massively with the concept of the club, but at the same time was determined to uphold it's laws and not break out of headspace. As a fairly alpha guy, I'm used to being a first class citizen... here the rules had changed and men were second class citizens. Now obviously all the other men were loving this, it's only a role, a seduction, a game, right? Well yes, but I as a person have spent a lifetime with people trying to control and repress me and I have spent a lifetime fighting back...I won't accept someone oppressing me, it gets me on a very deep level. I told Ve that I was having difficulties with the laws of the room and so after a while we left: Things had, however, changed for the better now...it was having vocalised what I was feeling and having understood it myself that allowed me to begin to let go and actually enjoy what was happening.

We went back to the reception area, had a short sit with friends and then went to the main play room to see what fun was going on. By now I felt at home a little more. I was talking to other male subs, who were friends from outside the club, and having my friend N take great pleasure in my predicament. She was there with her lovely bloke F (who TBH deserves a canonising for putting up with his smart-arse gf ;). We decided to go get my first trampling done...looked like fun and so Ve generously gave me away to S. who, dressed in her amazing latex stockings, led me into the cage. I hopped over several men, who looked well fed up that I was trying to get through, and lay down on the floor. It's really odd getting turned on by a friend...not that I was complaining as S. pushed her latex-clad feet over my face and body, massaging EVERY part. Ve came and held my hand through the bars, then some other random woman (who seemed very enthusiastic, and very NEW) proceeded to trample me even more. At last I felt like I'd relaxed a bit and that I could have some fun.

It wasn't long after my trampling however that the main event of the evening was to arrive (in full sight of everyone). I was tied to a pole and a caning was administered along with a flogging with a rubber flogger...I hate SM sometimes, but I was anticipating what came next... then out came the cream canisters

WAM and humiliation really do it for me. The idea of my everyday immaculate persona being destroyed and torn down... to be defaced and denigrated hold some incredible mystique: The cream cans were paused over my face and time stood still...

OK, SO THE TRIGGERS BROKE ON BOTH OF THEM AS VE WAS OVER-EXCITED AND ALL I GOT WAS S. LAUGHING AS THEY BOTH DRIBBLED LIQUID CREAM OVER ME...But it was HOT!! Ve tried to clean me up a bit and simply stuck the cleaning towel to my face. I was humiliated. I smelt like cheese. I had to go to the bathroom and wash myself 100 times...but I was a VERY happy subby, running around the club with my semi erect cock poking out from under my skirt (again, something I'm too proper to do, usually...)

A lovely guy called Adam, who'd been servicing S.'s feet, helped me clean up a bit and we eventually retired to the crawling area (after some time in the bathroom, some arguments with the soap guy and some humour from the other male subs who wondered if I'd 'creamed myself'!)

In the crawling area I took to my knees and worshipped the legs and feet of my lovely Ve. Adam was slightly confused by the fact that I usually called her Sir, but I think that confusion was removed when she put on her strap on and ordered me to give her a blow job.

In between me worshipping her and her going to get her strap on something very unusual happened. I had sat on the step (as opposed to kneeling) and a random Mistress had a go at me for it. Momentarily I felt attacked, but then actually I thought that whilst it was a little remiss to shout at someone else's slave, I actually respected her for trying to keep the club rules. A few moments later some guys above us, who'd had their fun for the evening, ignored all calls to obey these rules and I was surprised at how angry that made me: If I can do it, and I'm a dom, then you can show some respect to the people who work so hard to give you this pleasure and obey the rules...I found it a typically male thing to do - who gives a fuck about the silly bitches once you've got off, right?! I also felt that it ruined and broke the atmosphere for me...fortunately they left...

I thoroughly enjoyed giving her head and deepthroating her cock. She forced my head down onto it many times until I choked and she shuddered. Finally she spat in my face as a form of ejaculation...a deep and surprising experience!!

Finally, we went to play a little on the floor where we were sitting where I discovered one final and amazing thing... I love having my cock and balls kicked (CAREFULLY!!)...I like it so much that I've just bought Ve 'The Family Jewels' as a welcome back present...she seems very pleased with it! ;)

Upon getting back I was treated to a freezing cold shower (where I screamed like a young girl) and finally to bed to cuddle and then to sleep.

It was actually an amazing experience which has forever changed the nature of our relationship. I'm not an amazing sub, in fact I'm quite difficult as I don't have enough experience to stop being nervous. I am however keen to know more. What got me was that I had LITERALLY NO IDEA I LIKED THOSE THINGS. I'd never have believed you if you had told me that I would...

What else lies down this dark path? (Except an amazingly kinky holiday bound naked on the floor of a 5* hotel in Prague!!)