Monday, 20 July 2015
Age Play explained in one easy sentence
In age play you're looking to play with someone's 'INNER CHILD'...THAT is the only child involved in age play.
(Further interesting thought - who's inner child is misusing the role of the parent?! Perhaps there's more that one inner child at work here... ;) )
Friday, 23 November 2012
Sunday, 22 May 2011
The Question...
The thing is though, it's not really about her, it's about the fact that clearly I've made a number of really serious errors of judgement and now I don't feel like I can trust myself anymore, nor can I trust anyone else. I also know that I've completely lost touch with who I am and I've lost touch with my friends. For the first time in a very long time I feel truly alone and living on borrowed time as they may all evaporate in the next few months...
The breakup and my behaviour have made me ask myself a number of really peritnant questions:
- What is it really like to be in a relationship with me. I think the truth is that at the moment it's really boring. I feel like I've lost a part of me that made me exciting, and I don't blame Hedwig for walking away because I was offering her nothing but a regular life - and that's never been the life which I want to live. It makes me want to go on an expedition somewhere or sail round the world - anything to prevent the drudgery of everyday life setting in. I've been really boring as I've fought for a career - I've gone from nothing to the top of my profession in 2 years - but now it seems a hollow victory as it cost me the people I care about the most, me and her...
- How can I trust anyone? Every person I've ever gone out with there's always been something about them that I didn't trust - generally I was right to think so. The thing is though, that with Hedwig I was regularly wrong: she was an amazing person and although I don't think she's a relationship expert in any way, I recognise that I regularly underestimated her. Part of me says that we were never on the same team, and that was true, but I don't see what she or I could really have done differently...
- How can I trust my own judgement? It's clear to me that I really could have done things differently and that my radar was down to a lot of this. I didn't see it, and I took it for granted that because we were polly we would just tone down our relationship at times where we weren't doing to well and needed space - clearly, I'd confused 'poly-theory' with reality. I obviously missed a massive load of stuff that was going on in the relationship and that's not happened before. Either that or you can just take me or leave me and I'm totally forgettable with time...(setting up an immediate jump to question 5).
- Who am I? At the moment, apart from being a boring fuck who can't talk to anyone about his job because it's IT (even though he has to endure others talking about their incredibly dull professions ie HR), well: I'm a spitefull, vengeful, frightened and lonely person - I AM WEAK and it shows... I struggle to contain the rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts because what I don't want to ask myself is as above: Can just take me or leave me? and 'Am I totally forgettable with time'...
- So, to the title of the post, because I guess this encapsulates it for me at the moment, is: what is the point? I've been through this over and over again with relationships, so it just seems so meaningless when you can give your everything to someone, they can give their everything to you, and it's still not enough. Not only that but when you break up and the other person says "I'm sorry you're hurting so bad [...but clearly it's not affecting me]. "
Saturday, 12 December 2009
Don't...
You feel like the only explanation is that they're conditioning you to have some kind of bestiality/dwarf/snuff fetish!!
Thursday, 10 December 2009
A short note to the Males of the species...
Master & Slave Relations by Robert J Rubel PhD
Protocols: Handbook for the female slave by Robert J Rubel PhD
SlaveCraft by a grateful slave
The Control Book by Peter Masters
I've not read them all and in fact I'm struggling. TBH the only one with half a clue is the one by a grateful slave. The rest fall into the category of what I would like to call 'UNSPEAKABLE BOLLOCKS'...
My sub is not as valuable to me as a 'particularly prized cat'!! I think evolution may pass on such things as body-shape options; amount of fast-twitch muscle fibre, eye colour, etc.
I DO NOT THINK THAT IT PASSES ON THE 'HERO ABILITY' TO MEN AND THE 'MOTHERING ABILITY' TO WOMEN!!
The most terrible thing about all this is how I feel about the world around me. I know I must be a pioneer; it's the only way to explain how when you look back at old TV programs and see the attitudes they had, the jokes they made, etc. you cringe - well I'm cringing already and they're brand new... I wonder how we got it so wrong and I've come to a conclusion on why and how to sort it...
MEN OF THE WORLD. YOU GOT IT WRONG. YOU ARE MAKING YOURSELVES LOOK INCREDIBLY STUPID. YOU CLAIM TO BE LOGICAL AND INTELLIGENT, BUT YOUR METHODS AND CONCLUSIONS SHOW NONE OF IT. YOUR INITIAL SUPPOSITIONS WERE WRONG AND YOU'RE BUILDING ON AN ERROR; YOU'RE JUST TOO EMOTIONAL TO ADMIT IT.
YOU'VE GOT IT CONSISTENTLY WRONG. YOU NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP...
Tuesday, 8 December 2009
Tantra (WRONG!! You're doing it Wrong!!)
I think that we can all be adult enough to understand that we all have sex with ourselves from time to time, and today was no exception for myself. However, I decided (mid-effort) to attempt to do the whole tantric 'blocking off the tube' trick... I think I left it a little late, however, so I decided to push quite hard to seal off the tube... Unfortunately, I don't know what I pressed, but it actually had the effect of intensifying my orgasm massively; as you can appreciate, it's not often that I press there for any reason, so how was I to know...
Without going into too fine a detail, I'm going to spend the next few hours going through my book collection, which was about 6' away at the time... I think we all know why...
Thank you, Tantra...
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
A new horizon...
The day before Club Pedestal, I received the following:
"I am going to have so much fun with you, but more important, I'll hope that we will have fun together.
First, a couple of more things that would be great if you could bring.
Got one black shirt with ruffles lying in my drawer, as well as one white shirt, plus a pvc-skirt lying around. You got some toys to, if you could bring them so I know what to use on you :)
Please do not forget your own boots.
Please also study the following video, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPQbffBjWz8
as I trust you to give me a hand'job'. Speaking of which, abstinence from wanking and cumming from the beginning of Thursday (00:00) until I say so.
Tomorrow, if I can meet you at Liverpool Street that would be good. We will have an early dinner, and I will expect some things from you, except for all those sweet things you already are.
The plan for the evening is dinner, get ready in the house, get to Pedestal and have loads of fun.
A little notebook and pencil will travel with us an, and if you happen to break a rule and I find that a punishment is needed, I will say 'Book' and then, depending on the severity of the offence (judging is completely arbitrary from my part...) I will say how many 'dots' you earned on the offence, example:
'Book, two dots'
You will take this down. In the end of the evening I will return to this book.
So during the evening: No fidgeting, no picking noses (a hankie is ok), picking ears or such.
Don't forget the perfume (bring it with you even, I might want you to smell even more of it :) )
You will open doors for me. Carry what I ask you to carry.
Upon arrival to the club you will take care of the arrangements regarding the cloakroom, for which you will be responsible for the rest of the evening.
As we arrive fairly early (hoping to at least, if everything goes according to plan) there is plenty of time to sit down, relax and have a drink, doing all that does not require any description, dunno why I wrote that :) Except that I would like a vodka and lemonade as a first drink.
You will be collared at some point during this time and from that moment you are mine. Not my property but my sweet, randy and very usable toy/boy/man/whatever. You will address me with 'Miss' if you are talking directly with me, 'Ve' if you are referring to me.
So far, that is it. I know you will ask me if you don't think I make sense ;)
Love you so much!
Kisses
V"
It was hot and sticky. I raced along Norwood Road towards Herne Hill Station...I was late. Not intentionally, but due to work, I found myself at a closed Herne Hill station, unable to make my date at the restaurant. Reluctantly I phoned Ve to tell her; she was firm but fair - 10 dots went in the book and I stood there exhausted and feeling like I wanted to cry: I had already let Her down and I'd failed before I'd even began.
That's a thing about subbing, for me, the fact of how POWERFUL it is in comparison. I love Doming, and it comes naturally, but subbing is uncharted territory. In doming, I am in control of how much pleasure I extract and I run my sessions so as to chart my course to a civilised or moderately intense orgasm. With subbing, I have no control and am forced to experience all these emotions and sensations with someone else controlling what happens...
I arrive at Ve's house and proceed to help her to get ready. She took care of me a little, as I felt SO bad for being late, then we picked up S. and headed for Vauxhall. I can remember picking up a few dots here and there for fidgeting; and learning that it didn't matter what you'd actually done, but more what it was considered that you had done.
Carrying all Ve's bags, we made our way to the door where they were searched.
"You can't bring food or drink into the venue" said the bouncer, looking at the carton of custard and the two cans of squirty cream.
"That's not what they're for." I replied curtly.
Having passed security I was sent into the changing area behind the ticket office. It was mostly guys getting changed (or undressed, as a more accurate description) and that feeling of being treated a bit like cattle was actually kinda hot. I mostly wear uniforms to the clubs and it was a real change for me to wear actually very little (a practice I intend to do more of in the future!) and the first time I had publicly cross dressed (to a limited degree, obviously). The rest of the coat and bags were checked in and we made our way to the bottom of the stairs. Despite the unfortunately timed arrival of a friend, we then engaged in the collaring ceremony. It was an odd feeling to be collared - I kinda looked forward to what was going to happen next, but I felt like I wasn't taking the collar seriously enough.
We proceeded upstairs and were greeted by 4 of the house slaves, the first thing I remember about them is they were old. I'm not ageist and maybe it was by chance, because there are actually some seriously hot house slaves inside, including one who looks like 'Link' from 'The Matrix Reloaded', but I think a mix on the door may put the younger, newer Mistresses at ease. We continued up the stairs, I got the lemonade and vodka from the bar and we sat down in the Club Colosseum's reception bar area. We chatted for a while, which allowed me to feel more at ease, before taking a turn around the club.
Inside the club there are various rules to be obeyed in various rooms and areas. There are several areas where men are only allowed to crawl and one where men may only speak if spoken to (I know, idyllic, no?!), it was there, the Goddess Room, to which we headed next. On the way we bumped into a friend called Theda, who is part of the club's management team.
"Hello Ve! Lovely to see you, and your pube headed boyfriend too!"
That made me mad. TBH I should have had a sense of humour about it, but I was starting to feel uncomfortable about this whole thing. What was going to come out of my mouth was not appropriate for a FEMDOM club and so I decided to stay quiet, but as you can probably tell, emotions were running high in me at this point.
In the room there were many people playing and some friends for Ve to say hello to (S. had detached at this point to go find her own brand of fun). After saying her hello's I was publicly bent over a horse (bench, not animal!) and had a butt plug inserted (one of those njoy steel ones - rather good, so much so, in fact, that I'm wearing one as I write!! ;) It was kind of a nice feeling being exhibited like that...I think I still have body issues about nudity and hence someone finding it worthwhile to exhibit me as their own has a pleasing effect. Ve then went and sat down in a chair and I began to give the hand massage (shown in the instructional YouTube clip listed above). I'd really tried hard with this one, I'd written it out and ensured that I gave her hand my full attention. As I sat at her feet (in squaw pose) I could feel the butt plug banging into the floor. The butt plug is fantastic... it actually has an effect on me and makes me feel sexual and horny, which was not what I expected when I was first convinced to try one. Once again, Ve asked me if I was OK...
The truth is that I struggled massively with the concept of the club, but at the same time was determined to uphold it's laws and not break out of headspace. As a fairly alpha guy, I'm used to being a first class citizen... here the rules had changed and men were second class citizens. Now obviously all the other men were loving this, it's only a role, a seduction, a game, right? Well yes, but I as a person have spent a lifetime with people trying to control and repress me and I have spent a lifetime fighting back...I won't accept someone oppressing me, it gets me on a very deep level. I told Ve that I was having difficulties with the laws of the room and so after a while we left: Things had, however, changed for the better now...it was having vocalised what I was feeling and having understood it myself that allowed me to begin to let go and actually enjoy what was happening.
We went back to the reception area, had a short sit with friends and then went to the main play room to see what fun was going on. By now I felt at home a little more. I was talking to other male subs, who were friends from outside the club, and having my friend N take great pleasure in my predicament. She was there with her lovely bloke F (who TBH deserves a canonising for putting up with his smart-arse gf ;). We decided to go get my first trampling done...looked like fun and so Ve generously gave me away to S. who, dressed in her amazing latex stockings, led me into the cage. I hopped over several men, who looked well fed up that I was trying to get through, and lay down on the floor. It's really odd getting turned on by a friend...not that I was complaining as S. pushed her latex-clad feet over my face and body, massaging EVERY part. Ve came and held my hand through the bars, then some other random woman (who seemed very enthusiastic, and very NEW) proceeded to trample me even more. At last I felt like I'd relaxed a bit and that I could have some fun.
It wasn't long after my trampling however that the main event of the evening was to arrive (in full sight of everyone). I was tied to a pole and a caning was administered along with a flogging with a rubber flogger...I hate SM sometimes, but I was anticipating what came next... then out came the cream canisters
WAM and humiliation really do it for me. The idea of my everyday immaculate persona being destroyed and torn down... to be defaced and denigrated hold some incredible mystique: The cream cans were paused over my face and time stood still...
OK, SO THE TRIGGERS BROKE ON BOTH OF THEM AS VE WAS OVER-EXCITED AND ALL I GOT WAS S. LAUGHING AS THEY BOTH DRIBBLED LIQUID CREAM OVER ME...But it was HOT!! Ve tried to clean me up a bit and simply stuck the cleaning towel to my face. I was humiliated. I smelt like cheese. I had to go to the bathroom and wash myself 100 times...but I was a VERY happy subby, running around the club with my semi erect cock poking out from under my skirt (again, something I'm too proper to do, usually...)
A lovely guy called Adam, who'd been servicing S.'s feet, helped me clean up a bit and we eventually retired to the crawling area (after some time in the bathroom, some arguments with the soap guy and some humour from the other male subs who wondered if I'd 'creamed myself'!)
In the crawling area I took to my knees and worshipped the legs and feet of my lovely Ve. Adam was slightly confused by the fact that I usually called her Sir, but I think that confusion was removed when she put on her strap on and ordered me to give her a blow job.
In between me worshipping her and her going to get her strap on something very unusual happened. I had sat on the step (as opposed to kneeling) and a random Mistress had a go at me for it. Momentarily I felt attacked, but then actually I thought that whilst it was a little remiss to shout at someone else's slave, I actually respected her for trying to keep the club rules. A few moments later some guys above us, who'd had their fun for the evening, ignored all calls to obey these rules and I was surprised at how angry that made me: If I can do it, and I'm a dom, then you can show some respect to the people who work so hard to give you this pleasure and obey the rules...I found it a typically male thing to do - who gives a fuck about the silly bitches once you've got off, right?! I also felt that it ruined and broke the atmosphere for me...fortunately they left...
I thoroughly enjoyed giving her head and deepthroating her cock. She forced my head down onto it many times until I choked and she shuddered. Finally she spat in my face as a form of ejaculation...a deep and surprising experience!!
Finally, we went to play a little on the floor where we were sitting where I discovered one final and amazing thing... I love having my cock and balls kicked (CAREFULLY!!)...I like it so much that I've just bought Ve 'The Family Jewels' as a welcome back present...she seems very pleased with it! ;)
Upon getting back I was treated to a freezing cold shower (where I screamed like a young girl) and finally to bed to cuddle and then to sleep.
It was actually an amazing experience which has forever changed the nature of our relationship. I'm not an amazing sub, in fact I'm quite difficult as I don't have enough experience to stop being nervous. I am however keen to know more. What got me was that I had LITERALLY NO IDEA I LIKED THOSE THINGS. I'd never have believed you if you had told me that I would...
What else lies down this dark path? (Except an amazingly kinky holiday bound naked on the floor of a 5* hotel in Prague!!)
Wednesday, 25 February 2009
Age Play and Paedophilia...
There are reasons for my absence, but I'll go into those on another post...(nothing too serious, chin up!!)
I was reading the recent blog war (or all I can take of it) between pro-BDSM feminists and RadFems (see here for more) ...
One or two of the RadFems have finally agreed to look at the idea of BDSM with a little more of an open mind, which is great! I know I'm a man and therefore the spawn of all evil, but I can't help but think that clinging to a theory because 'it's what other radical feminists think', particularly in the light of a plethora of evidence provided by other women, is not a bright idea. I might push Ve around to make her cum, but I'd hate to do it for real in a situation where women's rights were concerned...!! OUCH!!!
In her statement, however, she notes that whilst she is getting to grips with other things, the idea of age play is "too close to paedophilia!!!" I've seen this before and from intelligent people it really gets me...
I'm going to quote from my book now (yes, I am still busily writing...). If you have a problem with any consensual fetish, then try this:
Jim’s Point: Never believe anything you’re told as being the absolute truth. Go, with an open mind, and see for yourself... (And that includes anything I tell you!)
Jim’s Method:
- Stop!
- Calmly apply logic (a priori logic* only, please) and reason.
- Imagine you were the person: Does it make sense for you to act that way given what you have just deduced from their behaviour?
- Presume that the person whose point of view or actions offend you is a human being just like you – extend them that courtesy and...
- Talk to them; enquire a little...
- Take time to make a proper and extended study of the action or the subject(s) and if necessary add original thoughts of your own until the process makes sense.
- Cross check your thoughts on the matter with the people concerned or similarly disposed individuals.
Jim’s Law: ALL people have the right to their own sexuality and the right to consent, irrespective of what you or I or society might think about it. Between two consenting adults, unless their actions will result in death or permanent debilitating injury, there can be no crime.
If you can suspend society’s knee jerk reactions, study and evaluate for yourself, then the passage through this land will be easier and will bear more fruit.
* A priori logic – logic that is intrinsically true without any experience, e.g. a two dimensional shape with three corners or vertices and three sides or edges which are line-segments, is a triangle. So for example,’ BDSMers are all weird’ cannot be ‘a priori’...
When I first came across this 'weirdness' it was first hand...
I was happily fucking away one day with a hot new girl I had found, who had a fantastically deviant mind, when the following came out of her mouth:
"Fuck me, daddy!"
I won't pretend to you that I wasn't shocked for a second, but I thought...'okay, that's her kink.' There was no crime, so I continued and asked how my little girl was and stroked her hair... the results were, as you could imagine, quite explosive!
This was my first Daddy/L'il Girl relationship and, to be honest, it was brilliant. I find it so shocking that when I looked it up I found that people were linking it to paedophilia...
Now, my controversial views on paedophilia...
1. The safety of children always has priority.
2. The act itself is wrong because a child cannot consent.
3. Watching that kind of porn is wrong, because the children in it cannot consent.
however
- Being a paedophile is fine, provided you never engage in the two actions mentioned above - I believe that if being a perv and sexually awaking with kinky fantasies is hard, then being a paedophile and having to never act on them must be an UNBEARABLE BURDON!
- I think it worth investing time and money into GENUINE (ie not electro aversion or 'talking therapies') attempts at treatment or help.
- I believe that paedophiles who annotate photographs of children should not be criminalised: I would rather they be at home photoshopping/trying to control their urges, than out posing a danger to children.
There are those who will say "a paedophile sat at home making their own pornography is still going to be a real danger; and this pornography is stoking the fire...." Well, if you sat at home and annotated photos of women with whips I don't think you'd wake up in cells next morning having forced some poor woman into domming you!! People are People: We are biomechs that respond to stimulus, however (speaking as a seasoned porn viewer), I can say that the workings of are inner minds are a lot more complex than the idiot at the front operating them: Porn will not turn you into anything: see upcoming post for more on this discussion...
Discussing the paedophile thing makes me twitchy, especially when discussing age-play in the same thread, as the two are TOTALLY UNRELATED.
Think about it: If I play a 'nazi prison guard' in an interrogation scene, am I a nazi?
If I engage in play-rape, does that make me any more likely to engage in real rape?
You are just adding colourful fantasy to sexual conduct, the same way that happens at every every other part of BDSM. Remember: Most 'nillas have a 'school girl fantasy'!! *FILTHY BUGGERS!*
Assuming then, that Age-play is not about paedophilia, then what is it??
Age play is a mimicry of everyday situations in which there is a 'disparity in' or 'exchange of' power between two individuals resulting from a difference in age: The use of personality traits/facets of a situation, such as innocence, care, control, responsibility/irresponsibility, etc. are used to enhance sexual conduct/play.
That's it...
Sometimes it's about being naughty and irresponsible and out of order in a way you just can't be whilst maintaining the façade of an adult...
Sometimes it's about trust and caring for someone...
Sometimes it's about discipline and training...
Sometimes it's about the violation of trust and the love of the vulnerable...
But the point is that it is always with an adult pretending to be a child or adopting the mental persona of a child. It is sexual and inherently adult...
I am an age player:
I do get turned on by an adult adopting/lampooning the mindset of a child and it's relevant lack of boundaries...
I do get turned on by the bond of trust and love and it's violation for mutual sexual gratification...
I do not get turned on by children's bodies: that is just a fact that I and 99% of people share.
I do not get turned on by a child's mind: because it has no sexual element and, as previously stated, I have no attraction to a child's body...
Herein, let it be known that this is the difference between Age Players and paedophiles...
Sunday, 12 October 2008
Why I'm not rubbish in bed...
Thursday, 9 October 2008
Darker...
but seriously, I have never known a time quite so dark...after the last post I've just found out that two friends at uni, whom I took a dive for in order to get them together, have just divorced after 10 years...
I've never known a time SO dark in my life...
You'd have to kill me to stop me smiling and being optimistic; but as a general appeal to the cosmos...
SORT IT 'ART!! WANKA!!
There, see, a little cockney outburst and all is better.... :)
Prayers...
N., all my fingers and toes are crossed for you. I'm really glad we met that day and I hope we'll be friends for a long time to come....
Peace and love...
Jim
Wednesday, 8 October 2008
Hated
http://trinityva.livejournal.com/689378.html
The above is written by Biting Beaver, a RadFem of some note, and really it was the straw that broke the camels back. I realise now that there are those out there who genuinely hate me for my gender: How, I ask myself, am I supposed to respond?
I have had some recent encounters with misandary:
- Ve met a long term correspondant and corsetry fan who upon recognising her looked at me and said "WHAT? Your with a *MAN* now?" and,
- Having 'marched for those who couldn't was met by someone who attempted to impress Ve by saying "Yeah, I remember you...I don't remember *YOU*!"
- starred words come with the tone of you are a piece of worthless shit! Thanks, classy...
In translation this amounts to nothing more than 'Hey honey, why don't you come home with a REAL MAN!' aimed in my general direction - yes bigots are all retarded knuckle draggers, but given their political presence in the feminist movement I would like to ask feminists the following question:
- Are you seeking equality or are you seeking to become that which you so clearly dispise...
- Why do you spend years 'deconstructing gender' only to hastily reconstruct it and attempt to shove it up my arse without even exchanging a word with me...
- Why should I treat a RadFem any different than a racist ?
My father was a drunken bully who made my mothers life hell with his irresponsibilty and sexism: my mother was the one who saved us all...I was a feminist before I was aware of most masculine politcs. Feminism holds a critical place in this world and I happily back it to the hilt - misandary has none and I for one will not tolerate it...
Ve seems bored - she is a big sexist. If this was about women she'd be all over it, but she's ignoring me and patting me on the head metaphorically...she's such a man! ;)
A conversation not designed for bendy buses
Saturday, 20 September 2008
Why everything is fucked...(not an emo post!)
I've started to see big gaping holes in sexuality (not as lucky as I sound!).
1)Porn is fucked:
I'm beginning to notice that I get off on the act and actually rarely watch the sex itself. This is not a crime, it just means that when I'm in bed with someone my impulses towards sex aren't so strong. I'm apparently *pretty fucking good in bed* (with Ve's first squirting as testimony), I know it'd be a lot easier for me and hotter too if I could re-eroticize sex. I think I've missed being given a framework to consider sex in and this has left me a little autistic towards it.
2)BDSM is fucked:
The traditional model (in vanilla) of the dominant magnanimous strong silent male has always been complete bullshit, and I rejected it from the moment I saw it; but the same is happening in BDSM now too.
The idea of the BDSM male dominant seems very characterless (see fetish nation stuff, etc) The man is rarely focussed on, wears all black street clothes; says really stereotypical things - there is no interpersonal connection and they seem to be as lost as I do - 'idiot experts' (like idiot savants). Again, perhaps it's the deeds and not the interaction that's supposed to be hot there, and so it's probably not a good place to derive knowledge. (I don't think this porn is really designed for women, either... the world is full of exploiters telling and showing men what they want to see as being 'what you need to do to 'be masterfull' and 'be a winner'' - for when you are without vulnerability, that is obviously when women are drawn to you like sex crazed zombies!)
3) The scene and general BDSM sexuality is fucked:
There's no variety in sexuality on the scene either...where are all the LGBT BDSMers? I know there are loads of them (I'd guess at least 30% of the BDSM community in London must be LGBT). I identify as being mainly straight at the moment. Having said that, I'm finding that as I open my mind and remove certain bullshit rules, different things are becoming appealing to watch. I had a thing recently for watching transexual men and women engaging in watersports. I enjoyed watching Buck Angel at TG too. In general, I want a more mixed atmosphere. It seems like there's an unnecessary divide there, and learning and watching as many types of sexualities play just makes you better at what you are doing.
4)I'm fucked:
I confess I'm missing my own sexuality slightly - I know I have a lot of fun (certainly more than I'm entitled to), but I feel like a BDSMer who's in a vanilla relationship with amazing sex. You love what you have, but you still have that itch. There are opportunities to do it with some people, but I just dread the bit where I enjoy myself and they turn around and say "yeah thanks, never again..." - which I understand completely, but just don't want to hear atm. I get that I could do it as an element of Dominance, but it is something which works best when you have 2 people who are into it...
5) I'm still fucked...
As far as sploshing goes, early discussions leave me scratching my head as to the fact that Ve can't get it through her head that you're not supposed to eat it!! lol!
The Invitation is fucked:
TheInvitation (currently being referred to as the masturbation, due to a lack of interest by the BDSM community in general) had it's first scene (here it is with music...see if you can spot Ve!)
On the upside, I am learning dominance at the moment. I have a love/hate thing with dominance...I'm an awesome top, but the dominance thing just gets me...it seems like something I just can't get my head around. I can do it, but I need to make it hot for me - I'm a very immediate person, I don't like build up if I'm doing the work... blah, can't put it into words - I need to make it my own, I guess, rather than just copying...
Poly is going ok, although I'm missing seeing people - then again, I have no money apu, so I'm trying to get real life sorted. There are certain people I need to see soon, who I'm really missing...
I have also noticed that I'm having lots of socio-normative thoughts regarding lifestyle monogamy, etc. It's like when you withdraw from cigarettes; you have these bizarre thoughts which are completely illogical and draw you to smoke when you don't want to, and you have to be quick to pick them up and challenge them with logic... It's weird how much you are conditioned by society into being a non-free thinking entity...but I've never conformed in the past, so why start now...
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
In case of fairytale characters...
Sunday, 24 August 2008
Mummy!!!!!!!
So your 'starter for 10' is;
'Is it the knife or the steel that I'm tracing lightly over your hyperventilating body?!'
PICS!!
It was so good we switched...
I'm still a wimp...!
The Land of the Ve, and the home of the 'Natural Dom'
Wednesday, 30 July 2008
This writing malarchy...
I have, however, run it past someone who I'm pretty in awe of (and who is very well known on the London scene) and he has been awesomely supportive. With any luck I'm going to be able to convince him to contribute to the book, which would be wonderful! There's even the chance that I could launch my book with his new DVD and that would be amazing, but that's only a maybe atm...
He certainly was brilliant at reviewing my work - it seemed like a merciless thrashing but I know he can do a lot worse...
I'm missing company a lot atm (that's not a request, just a fact) although my house band has just undertaken 'Take a look around' by Limp Bizkit, which has brightened my day. This means that all I have to do is play bass like a pro and sing like Brian Moloko, Fred Durst, James Hetfield, Eddie Vedder, Layne Staley (Alice in Chains), Billy Joe Armstrong, J Mascis (Dinosaur Jr) and Dave Mustaine (Megadeth) - piece of cake, really! :)
Looking forward to going to Sweden on Friday: Ve's mum is finally attending Pride, which has given Ve no end of happiness. Ve spent last night thrashing the hell out of some woman who apparently loved it - I love when switch girls get that 'red veil blood lust fever' thing, it's brilliant...
Hey ho, another day, another dollar...
Friday, 25 July 2008
Writing a book...
I'd like you all to pray for a temporary stat increase in the field of 'verbal articulation'!
Thursday, 17 July 2008
Death by Ice-cream...
I felt like I had a lot in common with the Panda in general...
Then we had ice cream in an ice cream bar around Leicester Sq....you know, the ones that do 'woman sized' ice creams...
Then I had a lot more in common with the Panda! I was making involuntary noises and felt like I was crystallising internally! Running for the tube doors I'm sure I heard my internal 'Scottie' calling the bridge!!!
Despite this obvious attempt to kill me by my devious, conspiratorial and otherwise gorgeous sub, I reached an important point somewhere between Panda and death...
I trust her.
We've talked a lot over the last two days with an honesty which has been long awaited; I have told her how I felt a few times and braced myself for rejection, but it hasn't been forthcoming. I appreciate that my feelings have run ahead of the curve here, and that's fine...I just needed to know that they would be respected. :)
Today I am at peace with the world... thank you. x.