Poly wants many crackers...

A while ago I had a friend who got into a poly relationship (long distance) with a Dom from the north of England. At the time I remember saying that Poly was a nice idea but usually it was an excuse for one guy to pay half as much attention to two women as they deserved. I didn't like poly - to me that relationship was based on the underlying falsehood that both parties could cope satisfactorily with a long distance relationship.

For what it's worth I myself have spent about 10 years in monogamous relationships and about 7 of those have been at distance - I have the perfect right to say "Long Distance Relationships are shit; they mostly don't work and they waste people's lives and fuck up their happiness - they come from the all evil idea of 'the one!'

The same person became involved with a well known London Dom who stated that their relationship would be based on love; but not in the traditional sense of the word: he would teach her what it is like to be 'cherished.' To me the underlying lie here is that he didn't want to be monogamous with her as he was older; bi and promiscuous.

The woman listed above is a very trusting, but not stupid person - I think she got a rough deal...

Imagine my dismay when I woke up one morning and asked myself what I wanted out of life...and the answer came back 'poly!'

It scares me: I don't want to fuck people up - nor am I a fool. Society has been wrong in front of my eyes a thousand times: I have seen so many marriages fail and so many miserable trapped people feel terrible because I don't think Human beings were ever designed to be together for more than the time it takes to raise offspring to adulthood. In about 10 years you get fed up with the other person, no matter how close you are. I loved my ex of 7 years to death but when we broke up and I look back I think, wtf...thank god for impatience.

I don't believe in the sacred union of marriage (as I don't believe that god would give a toss...), I want to enjoy the love and care of as many people as possible, so I have begun.

I have started my first poly relationship with a queer Swedish girl called Ve. She is lovely, 21 and full of life. It was very scary at first: I explained to her that because of the age difference; because she would only marry a woman, and; because she doesn't want to have children (ever!), that the future is finite for us. This is not me being callous, it's me being honest - we both chose this because the alternative is that we never get to experience each other's love or each other's light in our lives because of an unreliable, unwarranted and unwelcome definition created by an anonymous and irrelevant author. As a point of note the relationship is true poly; she will see other people too...I insisted on that!

We talked again yesterday and it seems to remain the same: we are happy, if nervous with our relationship. Hetero-normative thoughts abound, but we're holding strong.

We launched into a new era too last night when we decided that we would post an IC profile as a couple. The idea being that we take fem subs and expand Ve's knowledge of Domming, eg. bondage, impact play, D/s, etc. And for all those of you thinking that the dirty old man has convinced the gullible 21 y.o. into a threesome, (a) we've had one - one girl fell asleep on my arm and sent it numb and the other just dribbled down my sleeve (you'd think two hot swedish chicks would be better, but then you add lots of vodka to that equation and it somewhat writes it off! :) ), and (b)you should see who I've managed to pimp Ve out to at Club Subversion over the last few months:

www.meestereslucrezia.com
www.mistressnicollette.com

(both of whom are lovely people who look about 200 times hotter in real life than they do on their websites, I just noticed!)

she's been a very lucky little girl! (And I've not enjoyed watching...not one little bit!)

An explanation

The previous posts are taken from my Alt blog and I consider them relevant to this blog: The real blogging starts now... :)

An epiphany

Update: An Epiphany

Yesterday I had an epiphany! After 3 years I realise who I want to meet: I want to meet a submissive. (as opposed to a bottom...)

This part could easily make me seem like an arsehole. I'm not; I just want to give people a clue about what I'm looking for....

What I think of as submissive comes not from a point of preaching Domly ignorance, but by the way that I have submitted to others in the past:

If I was to submit to you

(1) I would ensure that you were an intelligent, respectful and emotionally capable human being.

(2) Then I would state my hard limits:

"...that I will do nothing that will cause me lasting physical damage or harm; disfigure me or endanger my long term physical or mental health."

(3) Beyond that, I am yours...

I will not give you a list of demands: I will expect nothing of you. I will communicate with you to improve the experience for our mutual benefit. I would suffer and endure whatever you wished, because that is your will and the physical manifestation of my submission. I would be at least as interested in your pleasure as I am in my own and would always aim to blow your mind (because that's exactly how I operate as a Dom)!

BDSM is a 'seduction' (people seem to miss that!): The thrill of submitting is being under someone else's control - which means you have to give up at least part of yours. It's meant to be fun: I would aim to impress and surrender, not fortify and control.

In paraphrase; I already get fantastic levels of play from my play partners but what I'm looking for someone who is more experienced and comfortable with their submission and is adventurous with it...

PS I know I've had one before and that's why I want one again! I'm a Dom, I can be greedy!

Top tip of the week...

Just a quick one to say...

VOLUME IS NOT EQUAL TO DOMINANCE!

Quiet people are usually dominant. We're quiet because we have a brain and are quite comfortable with ourselves. We don't feel that social urge to placate you by responding promptly to your conversational gambit. We let you put on your 'shows' and 'fronts' whilst we work you out. Until our response comes, you have no power in that situation...

Submissive people, especially men, are often loud and (seemingly) confident...This is because they are trying to provoke a response out of you so that they can begin to quickly analyse you to make a decision based on your responses that will ensure their social safety...they chat until they get social acceptance from the majority of the group.

TO RECAP: DOMs often quiet; SUBs often loud...

And no, numbnuts... I'm not gay either!! - FemDoms; gotta love 'em!

Yes I am over generalising but quiet != submissive


POSTSCRIPT: I later became friends with said FemDom and you know, beyond the bravado and bullshit, she's actually ok - I rather like her and she isn't half as stupid as her comments made her out to be!

A Dirty Little Secret

I had a fantasy a while ago that's quite bad and wrong (because it's about two of my best friends) - but a lot of fun, so I thought I'd share!!

I was staying with a married couple who are friends of mine. They are both mid to late 20s, tall and slim with black wavy hair; he is Indian but speaks with a very British accent. I was talking late night with the girl as the guy had gone to bed. (men, huh?! No stamina...) They know about me (to a degree) and we chatted and it came out (as if it needed pointing out) that they are both submissive by nature although I get the feeling that whilst they have fun, it's probably not that adventurous.

I had a number of knee jerk reactions including my higher conscience trying to mentally save them from the Dom side of me on the basis that they were friends and that I couldn't possibly do that sort of thing to them...

...that was short lived: I began to daydream about what would I do if I had control...

In my daydream both Myself and my girlfriend Kasha (a 'cyber-gothy chick'{and fictional character, I should add}) called around to stay over at their house. After dinner Kasha (who subs to me but is naturally dominant) begins to get her claws into 'Jess' flirting with her in a way which could only spell trouble. She began to ask Jess what Paul was like in bed (vainly using alcohol to hide the what she was up to). Together the two girls giggled and chatted, although Jess always looked slightly uncomfortable. I consigned myself to chatting with Paul about web design, etc. The louder they got, the more fed up I became and asking them to be quiet didn't seem to work as they were both showing off to each other by 'hen-pecking' their boyfriends when we asked to keep it down a bit...

Kasha struck for my face with a dismissive backhand...my right hand caught the blow; my left took her throat...neither my gaze or my facial expression changed from looking straight ahead...there was the faint hissing of air as Kasha struggled to breath...I released my grip and rose to my feet.

"Seeing as you are so keen to find out what Paul is like in bed perhaps we should find out!" I said.

Jess protested but Kasha admonished her. "You said you wanted to be controlled...now we're here and my boyfriend has clearly made you VERY wet...I don't think that you have a choice."

"And as for you, Paul...I gather that you would enjoy pain - but have never really gotten the chance to experience it..." Kasha's voice is now that silky smooth seductive voice that I use to get my own way all too often. "...I promise you that we will make you our pets and our servants...but we will take you to heaven when you give us your souls!" She grins and stares deeply into Paul's eyes.

As I take a seat Paul is the first to kneel under the gentle pressure from Kasha. "PAUL!!..." Jess protests. I relax into the corner couch and address the group.

"Your man is down, Jess...you should go with him - 'til death do us part, remember!"

"But I don't..."
"That's the trouble though Jess...you do!"

Reluctantly and with a shamed blush across her face she sank to her knees and looked at the floor.

We had actually visited not just to see them but also to visit Club Orgasm (nice name!) and so fortunately had a full toy bag with us. There was a hanging silence then I ordered everyone to their feet. I caught Jess' eye for a second and smiling handed her a rope. I ordered Paul and Kasha to stand opposite each other and look into each others gaze - I instructed Jess to do as I did and together we prepared our partners, slowly and sensually removing their clothes. I make Kasha sit on the table and frog tie her legs and bind her left arm and right upper arm to her body.

"You know I'm making you prepare your husband for sex, don't you...??" I ask Jess
"Yes"
"And how does that make you feel"
"Confused..."
"Well the truth is that from here on in Paul cannot do anything of his own volition." I produce an e-stim kit from the bag behind me. "Tell your husband that if he as much as moves he will be shocked and the pleasantries will cease...now put this in his ass"

Jess complies with my request but still looks confused. Paul yelps a little but he rises somewhat which confirms to me that his head is where I think it's at...

"I want YOU to fuck my girlfriend" I say to Jess
"But I'm not gay - I couldn't, I..."
"Yes and that is why you are going to use Paul to do it. He cannot move - you will have to make his cock hard; put him inside her and then use his body to fuck her HARD."
"I don't think I can make him move well enough for to make him finish..."

I stand behind her and take firm grasp of her shoulder. The sound of that first hard spank echoes across the room...she freezes like ice cold water has been poured over her.

"You WILL make him cum Jess even if you have to talk dirty to him; even if you have to take hold of her legs and fuck him from behind to make him do it."

"Now...tie his hands to the table legs so that his hands are flat on the desk when he bends..."
Jess complies and I hand her the e-stim box.

"Now test that it works..."
I hear Paul start to draw breath at an increased rate
Jess' finger hangs over the button...
I move to go around behind her again.
"NO! I won't do it to him"
She slams the box down onto the table...
*slap* she whimpers defiantly
*SLAP* she cries out and the tears start to flow
"I do have canes if this fails to persuade you..."

The room seems to grind to a halt now...I can feel Paul's pathos for his wife - I know I am transgressing a boundary but I also know that right now I don't care. She will do as I say even if I have to break her. I also know that Kasha is doing a great job of distracting him...

"I usually find it less painful to do as he says" Kasha offers to Jess as the cane strokes begin to leave their marks and a puddle of tears. Jess's fingers crawl weekly over the set finally reaching the button - one more hard strike convinces her to press!

Paul cries out...

She collapses exhausted to the floor and lands on her sore arse. She cries and I become concerned.

"Jess? You can stop any time you want to..."
"I know." She says, her answer stuns me
"then why are you crying so, little one??"
"BECAUSE I'M SO FUCKING WET!!"
She is like a child now...her nose is wet and she is dribbling a little from the crying and the stress of the caning. I dry her eyes with my finger and wipe her nose with a tissue.
"But it can't end here, little one. You must do as I've asked you not just for me but for Paul too!"
"THIS ISN'T ABOUT PAUL"
"Actually, this is all about you and Paul and nothing about us. By our transgressions we will allow you and Paul to cross that line you could not cross alone and be the people whom you wish to be."

She looks at me with a shocked expression.

"Do you think you can go back to the way you were now he knows what really gets you wet, what makes you blush and how those tears hide the darkness of your own self-destructive pleasure? Let me make you strong for your husband..."

I stand her up to her knees and bring her face on level with Paul's cock.

Louder now I speak to her like a zealot; controlling her thoughts like the conductor of a great orchestra. "For one night only, Jess, you get to be the man! And for one night you get to give Paul the fuck of his life! Fuck her as it is your desire and your curiosity; but do it for Paul as he has just stood silent for you!"

There is silence; and then it begins...

Jess's lips flung themselves around Paul's cock...her eyes closed she becomes the whore she wishes to be and leaves the lady behind. Once hard she moves him into position between Kasha's legs and penetrates her. Paul thrusts. I push the button!

"NO MOVEMENT PAUL...THAT WAS THE DEAL!"
"No, please I only..."
One hand goes over his mouth and nose cutting his air.
"My dear," I say to Kasha with a smile "perhaps you can help the hapless Paul in his quest for self control?" I remove my hand and whilst Paul is hyper-ventilating I attach the first of the nipple clamps to him. He grits his teeth and I enjoy watching Kasha's face. I attach the second and with a piece of rope in the middle: I give Kasha the reins.

"He's gone soft again, Jess...take him out and suck him until he's hard"
Jess complies and I make the point of asking what my girlfriend tastes like. Jess smiles slightly.

I retire to my chair and watch the proceedings - it is exhausting for Jess, she barely has the strength. I use a long carriage whip to convince her not to lag but as the she gets going an Idea crosses my mind. I retire to the hallway and pick up the mirror which has lain there for years.

"I have a present for both of you" I announce. Jess is now behind Paul thrusting his hips into Kasha's...

I hold up the mirror and for the first time they watch themselves fucking another woman under the control of another man. The effect is immediate and the process accelerates towards its conclusion

"You know he got hard when I beat you" I say to Jess. I see the rage and orgasm building in her eyes, fighting through the exhaustion.
"Don't you think your husband deserves some payback?"
"YES HE DOES THE FUCKING CUNT!" Jess's voice is alive with fury and passion. She reaches up and grabs tight hold of his hair...
"YOU ARE A FILTHY...
I prop the mirror up in front of them
"FUCKING"
I move around the table
Kasha pulls tight on the reins
"WHORE!"
Paul climaxes, as does Kasha; for a fraction of a second I catch Jess looking at herself in the mirror...

As if I were the only one unfrozen in time I take my final step behind her, tight close to her. One finger touches her...there. Jess climaxes.

My work here is done...I leave.

SO NOW I HAVE WEIRD FANTASIES ABOUT MY FRIENDS...AM I SICK, OR WHAT!

Nemesis II

OMG Nemesis II is SOOOO good! It's typical that every time I leave one half of the country because it's dull they then go and make one of the best fetish clubs ever in a town I used to regularly go to!!

Anyway, it should definitely be on your top 10 places to go before you die (honestly, fuck the grand canyon...this is much better! Lol!)

Bring your own booze - Winner!

Equipment changes regularly - it's all hand made by people who really know what they are doing - like with St Andrew's crosses with a place to put your feet, electric winches and rachets for tilting equipment, etc. - and the best bit is that there is someone there on hand to provide advice and help you out with operating it.

Loads of space for suspension...

There are many private rooms with 'furniture' in and a DND sign...my favourite was the rack room. The rack is 3 people wide so you can lie next to your victim; the ratchets work and the rope to cuffs is long enough - AWESOME.

Seriously though NEMESIS II

1. Go there, it's great (for Londoners it's like 'Hades' and 'Sweet Torments' crossed...)

2. Thanks to everyone there, especially Ian, for making us feel so welcome...

POSTSCRIPT: NEM is unfortunately having problems with the building and are searching for new premises. They are still running events every so often - see http://www.nemesis2.co.uk/ for details...

An Interesting, if predictable question...

I was watching a program on C4 called 'Sisters in Law' which was a documentary by Kim Longinotto and Florence Ayisi about a town in Cameroon where a judge and lawyer, both female, have gradually been able to make a difference. The film follows three cases: a little girl who has been physically abused by her aunt; a teenage girl who was raped by a neighbor; and a woman who brings divorce proceedings against her violently abusive husband.

All in all an excellent, if scary, documentary. In the case of the young girl beaten by her aunt, the judge described the aunt as a sadist - which immediately provoked my mind to start a comparison of the two of us. The aunt tied her wrists and ankles, put pepper all over her and beat her, leaving horrific scars. There is A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE between this woman who was described as a sadist and myself, but it made me question. Previous girlfriends have said I have a sadistic side - I say I don't really. Funnily enough it is most 'normal everyday people' who's sadism frightens me the most - I find their deep denial and burying of issues to maintain a normal appearance only results in sadism, of one sort or another, at a later date. This woman was an orphan whose husband had died - clearly extreme psychological trauma was present here...

I'm not going to 'have a goth moment' but I have questions to ask and I think it's fair I answer for myself first:

1) I had an unpleasant upbringing - my father was an alcoholic and a depressive. You never knew when he would lose his temper. Honestly, he didn't get physical all that often but living with him was psychological torture. I know that as a person I have an aversion to violence. Even if I'm better than average at it, I despise it on so many levels and abhor the thought of visiting harm on others.

There are specific events I can think of such as

scat - I wasn't allowed to go to the toilet in the infants, despite asking, and ended up having an accident. Like a typical man I tried to boot the evidence under the chair of the girl opposite in an effort to pass the blame...but to no avail. LOL! It was humiliating and my both myself and my mother were 'read the riot act' over it.

W/S - being pissed on or in the mouth was a threat regularly tended by local kids to each other in Manchester. Classy city!

WAM - I used to cry when I watched Saturday morning TV. As there was nothing good in my world as a frame of reference, someone getting gunged or hit with a pie was like watching someone being bullied by a group and humiliated. My father would laugh at me and jeer when I cried - he couldn't know the effect his behavior had on his family, but that's where I think it comes from...

2) Unless I am a rock star, multi-millionaire, chess grandmaster and aerobatics champion I will never be successful in my own eyes (or probably those of my mother LOL!). I know I am successful but I'm not where I want to go and I am the most single minded driven individual I know...

3) There is a mild pleasure and a hunger to do more but there is certainly a big safety valve on this type of behavior.

4) The best I can say is that this if you are going to carry a mental scar that making use of it in a way that brings pleasure to others commendable

5)158 from 165 - (not a brag; there's not much to brag about - unless you succeed with it it's just a number.) I think intelligence or possibly emotional intelligence is a linking factor.

So!... My questions to you guys are:

1)Where do you think you're sexuality comes from - did you (like me) have an unhappy childhood? Was there a specific event that you can link your fetishes to?

2) How happy are you with life currently? How successful do you perceive yourself to be?

3) How do you feel when being sadistic/masochistic?

4) Can you think of any positive psychology behind BDSM?

5) What's your IQ? Do you think fetishism and intelligence are linked(if not intelligence then what do you think are/is the linking factor(s)?

6) Is there any question I have not asked that you would like to answer in relation to the question posed?

NB. I appreciate that most will not be as open as myself but brief details like '1) Yes' will do...

POSTSCRIPT: As an adendum to this post, which was written a while ago, I now don't consider that BDSM behaviour comes as a direct result of exposure to negative stimuli... it's the smoking gun that's too easy to pick up and with more exploration of other people's beginning you find that it's really got little to do with it...all in all it's a very 'freudian answer' - and he was a fuckwit of GIGANTIC proportions!!

I'm the kind of guy that...

1) loves to play sports, not to watch them.
2) upon seeing something new or strange becomes like a cat with a new toy - I HAVE to try it out and play with it.
3) was given a life less ordinary - and is VERY happy about it!
4) has his own ideas on morality - I think that you can follow every piece of moral parable rammed down your throat on TV and still be miles from the truth.

I am a kind, honest guy with no front to me...and that is how, I think, I managed to gain so many wonderful playpartners and friends. :)

I've spent a while on the London fetish scene (about 3 years) and very quickly got myself involved with some great people who introduced me to 'The Gate' - a FANTASTIC club in Kentish Town, London.

It's all a bit weird for me as I'm not actually into BDSM *SHOCK, GASP HORROR!* - I was born a pervert and was practicing my fetishes long before puberty...

My 3 STOOPID Fetishes:

1. Scat
2. Watersports
3. Sploshing - yeah, like custard pies and gunge - even I'm '...like, wtf?!!!'

Weird, yeah ? Totally! I'm not the kind of guy that should be this pervy or this sexually driven. I mean, (and please note my total and genuine respect for other people's beliefs) if I didn't think Christianity was such a crock I'd undoubtedly be a priest by now - it was my first career choice!!

It's funny, I once handed a gf over to Alex Cobra for a good whipping - I know what that did for her, but for me I may as well have just sent them both off to get a coffee!! I rarely see the sexuality of it because it's not my fantasy; much like you guys would feel nothing if you watched Holly Willoughby getting gunged, where I get an enormous boner!

So what do I get out of a BDSM relationship - the answer is simple (ish).

1. I love giving pleasure to someone.
2. I love to exercise my creativity; and,
3. I enjoy the power, it gives me a little rush...
4. I get to go on FANTASTICALLY HOT ADVENTURES with brilliant, attractive women on a level which most can only imagine...

As I said, I don't believe in God I spend a fair amount of time thanking him for how lucky I am...

I know, I'll tell you about it!!! ;)