Damage...

Do you remember when life was so simple...

I wore my heart on my sleeve and was completely unafraid of the damage people could do to me...it just rolled off me, because I was me and I was great. So why's that not happening so much anymore...

I think my last relationship has damaged me. I really took it to the limit with that one. I had the gun aimed at me because I didn't have a job and in short I was told I had to give up my dream of running my own business because it was impacting on our lifestyle...

Let's set the record straight then: when I first met this person I thought they were going to die, and yet I still went out with them. I dealt with all the challenges, like the sleep disorder, etc whilst being that person's 24hr carer and performing every household task as well. I became that person's slave in essence - Interesting how, in many ways, a Dom is actually servile to a sub...

When we broke she told me that she had 'watched the man she love deteriorate'...and that I had to prove that I could earn a wage...

We split

2 months later I billed my first £5k...

Being me is hard - I am the tough, all or nothing option: I am crippled by debt; I am alone and work SO hard and never get a break and I think that it is this stress and strain that is causing me to be so less resilient and so much a shadow of who I really am...

Today I got the all clear over a cancer scare - whilst I realised that I may be in trouble, I didn't really care and I feel no better.

My main fear, however, is that I may be too fragile to handle those people that I should, properly. Indeed if you read the next post, I finally get to talk about someone I really care about and have not handled as well as I might...