Why everything is fucked...(not an emo post!)

Yeah, everything is in flux at the moment...

I've started to see big gaping holes in sexuality (not as lucky as I sound!).

1)Porn is fucked:
I'm beginning to notice that I get off on the act and actually rarely watch the sex itself. This is not a crime, it just means that when I'm in bed with someone my impulses towards sex aren't so strong. I'm apparently *pretty fucking good in bed* (with Ve's first squirting as testimony), I know it'd be a lot easier for me and hotter too if I could re-eroticize sex. I think I've missed being given a framework to consider sex in and this has left me a little autistic towards it.

2)BDSM is fucked:
The traditional model (in vanilla) of the dominant magnanimous strong silent male has always been complete bullshit, and I rejected it from the moment I saw it; but the same is happening in BDSM now too.

The idea of the BDSM male dominant seems very characterless (see fetish nation stuff, etc) The man is rarely focussed on, wears all black street clothes; says really stereotypical things - there is no interpersonal connection and they seem to be as lost as I do - 'idiot experts' (like idiot savants). Again, perhaps it's the deeds and not the interaction that's supposed to be hot there, and so it's probably not a good place to derive knowledge. (I don't think this porn is really designed for women, either... the world is full of exploiters telling and showing men what they want to see as being 'what you need to do to 'be masterfull' and 'be a winner'' - for when you are without vulnerability, that is obviously when women are drawn to you like sex crazed zombies!)

3) The scene and general BDSM sexuality is fucked:
There's no variety in sexuality on the scene either...where are all the LGBT BDSMers? I know there are loads of them (I'd guess at least 30% of the BDSM community in London must be LGBT). I identify as being mainly straight at the moment. Having said that, I'm finding that as I open my mind and remove certain bullshit rules, different things are becoming appealing to watch. I had a thing recently for watching transexual men and women engaging in watersports. I enjoyed watching Buck Angel at TG too. In general, I want a more mixed atmosphere. It seems like there's an unnecessary divide there, and learning and watching as many types of sexualities play just makes you better at what you are doing.

4)I'm fucked:
I confess I'm missing my own sexuality slightly - I know I have a lot of fun (certainly more than I'm entitled to), but I feel like a BDSMer who's in a vanilla relationship with amazing sex. You love what you have, but you still have that itch. There are opportunities to do it with some people, but I just dread the bit where I enjoy myself and they turn around and say "yeah thanks, never again..." - which I understand completely, but just don't want to hear atm. I get that I could do it as an element of Dominance, but it is something which works best when you have 2 people who are into it...

5) I'm still fucked...

As far as sploshing goes, early discussions leave me scratching my head as to the fact that Ve can't get it through her head that you're not supposed to eat it!! lol!

The Invitation is fucked:
TheInvitation (currently being referred to as the masturbation, due to a lack of interest by the BDSM community in general) had it's first scene (here it is with music...see if you can spot Ve!)

On the upside, I am learning dominance at the moment. I have a love/hate thing with dominance...I'm an awesome top, but the dominance thing just gets me...it seems like something I just can't get my head around. I can do it, but I need to make it hot for me - I'm a very immediate person, I don't like build up if I'm doing the work... blah, can't put it into words - I need to make it my own, I guess, rather than just copying...

Poly is going ok, although I'm missing seeing people - then again, I have no money apu, so I'm trying to get real life sorted. There are certain people I need to see soon, who I'm really missing...

I have also noticed that I'm having lots of socio-normative thoughts regarding lifestyle monogamy, etc. It's like when you withdraw from cigarettes; you have these bizarre thoughts which are completely illogical and draw you to smoke when you don't want to, and you have to be quick to pick them up and challenge them with logic... It's weird how much you are conditioned by society into being a non-free thinking entity...but I've never conformed in the past, so why start now...

In case of fairytale characters...

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