Don't...

...try and wank your boyfriend off during the Shelob scene of LOTR.

You feel like the only explanation is that they're conditioning you to have some kind of bestiality/dwarf/snuff fetish!!

A short note to the Males of the species...

It was my birthday recently, so I decided that as D/s has always interested me - and for some reason I have had a battle with throughout my BDSM 'career' - I'd buy some books. I got:

Master & Slave Relations by Robert J Rubel PhD
Protocols: Handbook for the female slave by Robert J Rubel PhD
SlaveCraft by a grateful slave
The Control Book by Peter Masters

I've not read them all and in fact I'm struggling. TBH the only one with half a clue is the one by a grateful slave. The rest fall into the category of what I would like to call 'UNSPEAKABLE BOLLOCKS'...

My sub is not as valuable to me as a 'particularly prized cat'!! I think evolution may pass on such things as body-shape options; amount of fast-twitch muscle fibre, eye colour, etc.

I DO NOT THINK THAT IT PASSES ON THE 'HERO ABILITY' TO MEN AND THE 'MOTHERING ABILITY' TO WOMEN!!

The most terrible thing about all this is how I feel about the world around me. I know I must be a pioneer; it's the only way to explain how when you look back at old TV programs and see the attitudes they had, the jokes they made, etc. you cringe - well I'm cringing already and they're brand new... I wonder how we got it so wrong and I've come to a conclusion on why and how to sort it...

MEN OF THE WORLD. YOU GOT IT WRONG. YOU ARE MAKING YOURSELVES LOOK INCREDIBLY STUPID. YOU CLAIM TO BE LOGICAL AND INTELLIGENT, BUT YOUR METHODS AND CONCLUSIONS SHOW NONE OF IT. YOUR INITIAL SUPPOSITIONS WERE WRONG AND YOU'RE BUILDING ON AN ERROR; YOU'RE JUST TOO EMOTIONAL TO ADMIT IT.

YOU'VE GOT IT CONSISTENTLY WRONG. YOU NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP...

Tantra (WRONG!! You're doing it Wrong!!)

I'd like to share with you the pleasure of my first attempt at tantra:

I think that we can all be adult enough to understand that we all have sex with ourselves from time to time, and today was no exception for myself. However, I decided (mid-effort) to attempt to do the whole tantric 'blocking off the tube' trick... I think I left it a little late, however, so I decided to push quite hard to seal off the tube... Unfortunately, I don't know what I pressed, but it actually had the effect of intensifying my orgasm massively; as you can appreciate, it's not often that I press there for any reason, so how was I to know...

Without going into too fine a detail, I'm going to spend the next few hours going through my book collection, which was about 6' away at the time... I think we all know why...

Thank you, Tantra...